In 1996, I was running a home-based PR company called Form & Content Communications™. I had two female graduate students as my assistants and trained them in the art and craft of promoting our clients’ products. I loved being a publicist and a small biz owner and knew I was living my dream. I was self-supporting, creative, my own boss, and a mentor to younger women, helping them follow their dreams.
Self-defined as a feminist since I was a teenager, I’d always wanted to be a career woman. I wanted exciting work. Work that challenged me. Work that eased me into financial independence. (NOTE: As it turned out, I had three careers: public relations, acting, and special education. And I loved each one of them!)
The All Grrrls Dream Salon
So I’m running my PR business and enjoying life as a single woman in New York. One evening, while visiting the ladies’ room in a comedy club, I had a lightbulb moment. “Here I am feeling happy with my work and the way it energizes the other parts of my life. Why don’t I create a group dedicated to supporting the dreams of other women?” I fell in love with the idea and plunged right in.
First I decided on the group’s name: the All Grrrls Dream Salon™. Then I defined it as a safe place for women to give voice to their dreams so they become real, important, and achievable. I would hold meetings in my studio apartment in New York’s Greenwich Village. My friends were at home in the space and its cozy cheeriness would set the tone perfectly.
I chose the word “grrrl” as a rebuke to the frequency with which men – and women – continue to use the word “girl” to identify a grown woman. I even defined the pronunciation as a grrrrowl. As in tiger. But what is a “grrrl”? I envisioned her as a female who takes risks, has dreams (small, medium, and large), supports the dreams of other grrrls, faces failure with courage, and enjoys success with gratitude.
Amy’s Rules and Regs
These decisions came easily but, when it came time to define the Salon’s structure, I struggled. I wanted the group to be a place for self-discipline, deep listening, and equity. In other words, I wanted rules. And I knew I couldn’t invite my friends to join until I had a reasonably firm grip on how the Salon would function.
In looking over my Word documents from that time so long ago, I came across one titled “Amy’s Rules and Regulations.” And I had to laugh: it was sooo me!
(1) The salon will meet monthly on a mutually agreed date.
(2) Arrive between 6:00 and 6:20.
(3) Start time is 6:30 sharp at which time the clubhouse door will be padlocked.
(4) Someone bring wine to share. And wine glasses.
(5) Grrrls will take turns being a timekeeper. No excuses.
(6) Dreams can be any size and either personal or professional.
(7) Each grrrl has 20 minutes to speak and receive feedback.
(8) Allow each grrrl to speak without interruption. (This means you!)
(9) No phone calls except during five-minute breaks.
(10) Someone bring cheese. And a cheeseboard.
(11) Someone else bring a corkscrew.
(12) Think through your dream so you can describe it concisely.
(13) Email the group with info that will help us help you.
(14) I would supply plates, napkins, and toothpicks, but I’m too busy.
The Birth of a Dream
Once I had a grip on the Salon’s form and content, I was ready to act. I invited my friends to join me for dinner at the Knickerbocker Bar & Grill around the corner from my studio. Opened in 1977 and famous for its steaks, the restaurant sports a wonderful collection of memorabilia with a New York state of mind. And hot jazz nightly.
Eight of us gathered around a long table, catching up on personal news, politics, and work. Over coffee, I asked for quiet and then suggested, “let’s go around the table with each of us sharing a dream of theirs. A dream you carry in your head and heart, wondering how to make it come true.”
I offered to go first. “My dream is to build my business so I can afford an office in mid-town. With the company name on the door.” I remember some of the other dreams offered that night: one woman wanted to write a book, but she wasn’t sure what to write about. Another wanted to grow her fashion design company. And another wanted to return to sewing and “make old clothes new again.”
Then I described the All Grrrls Dream Salon and, much to my delight, the women responded enthusiastically. It was as if they’d been looking for such an opportunity and didn’t realize it until I broached the idea. First thing next morning, I sent an email laying out the Salon’s purpose, structure, and tone.
Can Women Follow Their Dreams?
We met two weeks later and then monthly from September through June for nearly twenty-five years. During that time, some grrrls dropped out and others were invited in. But each woman spoke from her heart about dreams long hidden. We offered advice, contacts, and emotional support. We laughed like crazy and, yes, we cried. And we all knew that it was one for all and all for one.
While I don’t remember every dream that was realized, here is a sampling of those I do. (Some names have been changed.) Leslie wrote a book about her marriage to a police officer who was imprisoned for taking a bribe. Elisa created a fulfilling retirement that included working as a museum docent and redesigning old clothes, making them new again. Helena went on to become a professional organizer and productivity coach. Marilyn became closer to her adult nephews who now visit her regularly throughout the year.
Sarah moved on from her fashion design business, landing an amazing job at a large fashion house. I changed careers from PR to special education, earning a master’s degree in infant and family development, subsequently working for eighteen years as a special educator.
It’s Time to Pass the Torch
And then the COVID pandemic blasted into our lives, turning everything upside down. Not able to meet in person, we tried mightily to keep the Salon going on Zoom. But it soon became clear that the intimacy we’d learned to count on for twenty-five years just wasn’t there. We tried to change the format to something less structured and more social, but that didn’t work either.
Maybe the Salon experience had worked its magic and it was time to let go? After all, nothing lasts forever, my husband (and others) reminded me. And so we said goodbye to the Salon, a beautiful memory and a reminder of what can be achieved when grrrls make their voices heard.
Now it’s time to pass the torch to other women.
The recipe for a successful Salon resides in commitment, compassion, structure, and the willingness to make changes. Women can and should follow their dreams and you can help them do it. Feel free to contact me if you’d like to get going.
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. — Gloria Steinem
