Four Good Reasons to Adopt a Rat

Ever since I listened to an NPR interview with a man who adopts baby rats, I’ve been thinking about these little critters. More specifically, I’ve been thinking that you should adopt a few. “What? Rats? Arrgghhh…!!!!” No, look, please, I’m serious. Hear me out. While adopting a couple of rats might not be at the top of your bucket list, you should know that rats make terrific playmates and companions. They have great personalities, learn quickly, and bond to humans. In fact, I’m gonna give you four good reasons to adopt a rat. So stay with me. {Note: I never say “pets” about any animals living in a home. I think it’s disrespectful. Yeah, I know. I’m woke.}

“But rats are scary, disgusting, and disease-ridden,” you argue. I know. I know. But that’s not reality. It’s a branding issue. A NEW YORK RAT branding issue. Yup, thanks to the rapacious behaviors of rodents hailing from da boroughs (Manhattan, Brooklyn, da Bronx, Queens) – “Hey! What about Staten Island, you stuck up ex-New Yorker with faded dreams of Broadway stardom and a penchant for whining?” Oh, well, excuse you me. Staten Island. Any-ratso-rizzo, the rodents of New York have a terrible, but well-deserved, reputation for transgressions against civilized society and, as a result, have unfairly tarred and feathered the good names of rats everywhere. Such as like those living in Des Moines.

Big Apple Rodents

For those not personally acquainted with New York rats, you may ask, “what could they possibly do to deserve such a bad rap?” Here’s an example. Rats love life underground (AKA the subways) where they engage in tons of fun activities. Their favorite is this: let’s say you’re waiting on the downtown A train platform, vigilantly looking around for anyone with a gun, knife, or machete and praying that the damn train will arrive before you die a violent death and make the front page of the New York Post.

Suddenly your shoes are attacked by a swarm of rats down from da Bronx for a field trip. They chew through your sneakers and then, baring their sharp little teeth, take tiny, but mighty, bites out of your toes. The rat who consumes the most toes wins. {Note: most people survive these attacks, but retain a deep aversion to rodents of any kind from anywhere. Hence the branding issue.}

Rat Shaming Hysteria

So here we are. An entire breed of animal is branded with over-the-top negativity and illogical generalizations about their value because New York rats cannot behave. For example, according to dear Sarah Jessica Parker: “You can’t be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.” Oh, my! That is soooo funny! Funny, huh? I dunno. It kind of hurts my heart. And there’s good ol’ Lily Tomlin, whom I love, but whose words I do not: “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

Oh, I almost forgot! Just the other day, when I mentioned my blooming interest in rats to a neighbor, she started running around her yard, screaming, “not in my backyard! NIMBY! NIMBY!” I almost let it rip in my jumper.

Now how do you think non-New York rats feel when they hear stuff like this? Well, I can tell you. They feel completely unvalidated. What they need is therapy, not vilification! So to set the record straight, I give you four good reasons to adopt a rat.

Reason #1: Rats Are Easy to Care For

Rats are not too big and not too little and usually weigh between half a pound (small girl) and one pound, eight ounces (large boy) fully grown. Their solid, robust body shape makes them a joy to handle, even for children. Rats are easily portable and require no expensive kennels or in-home caregivers when mom and dad are on vacation.

They are crepuscular (most active in the morning and evening) so they don’t mope around and get bent all outta shape when left alone. They just settle down for a nice snoozy little nappie. Rats don’t need walking, rarely need grooming, and enjoy a wide variety of foods, such as apricots, blackberries, carrots, eggplant, figs, curly kale, lettuce, mushrooms, olives, papaya, prunes, radishes, and raisins.

(Isn’t it ironic that the infamous rampaging rats of New York would enjoy a dinner salad?)

Contrary to popular belief, rats are fastidiously clean and groom themselves regularly. Just like cats, their rough tongues help them keep their coats dirt free. Rats can be litter trained and love spending several hours a day attending to their fur. They also groom one another and love being brushed.

Reason #2: Rats Want to Be Your Friend

Rats like to be friends for life. Confident and curious, they enjoy the company of humans and seek belly rubs and cuddles. In fact, the bond between a rat and its caregiver can be as strong as the bond between dogs and cats and their humans. They may even decide you’re part of their rat family and start treating you as a relative. Be prepared for a few hand licks or even a couple of nibbles that mean they think you’re part of the rat pack. Many owners compare their rats to little cats who love to be stroked, but don’t require 24/7 attention.

Reason #3: Rats Are Very Smart

According to scientists, rats are among the 10 smartest animal species on the planet and can make decisions based on the information they have about a situation (metacognition.) They’re particularly good at critical thinking and solving puzzles. While a rat’s brain is far smaller than ours, it is designed and functions in similar ways.

Some studies have even demonstrated that rats are concerned about the well-being of fellow rats. Por ejemplo, these tiny animals will avoid receiving treats during tests and, instead, attempt to help another rat in trouble. Rats also understand when another rat is in pain and will try to provide aid.

Equally intriguing is that rats have a sense of rhythm according to a study conducted by scientists at the University of Tokyo. In the study, 10 rats were fitted with miniature sensors which measured their slightest head movements.

They were played one-minute excerpts from Mozart’s Sonata for Two Pianos in D Major, at four different tempos: 75 percent, 100 percent, 200 percent and 400 percent of the original speed. For rats, the head “bopping” effect was most pronounced for music in the range of 120-140 beats per minute — the same as humans.

While the main study focused on Mozart, Born this Way by Lady Gaga, Another One Bites the Dust by Queen, Beat It by Michael Jackson, and Sugar by Maroon 5 were also played. Rats found it easy to keep in time with songs played at 132 BPM, but enjoyed the music less when it was slowed down or sped up. Yeah, they got rhythm! {Note: three out of four of these artists, plus Mozart, are my favorites. Do I smell a rat?}

Reason #4: Rats Aren’t a Long-Term Commitment

This is both a pro and a con because rats have short lifespans (two to three years on average) and, given that they are small packages of enormous personality who strongly bond with their humans, losing them so soon can be very difficult. In fact, this is likely the most common reason people who love rats nonetheless stop keeping them. And it’s not a problem that’s easily solved – even with the best care in the world, your rats will likely not make it much beyond three years.