There are three main types of parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. In my work with young children, I have observed parents and other family members engaging in each approach, but the only one that leads to maximum positive outcome is authoritative parenting. It is the gold standard of child rearing. Period.

Let’s start with brief definitions. Permissive parenting, also known as “indulgent parenting,” features two key traits: parents who are nurturing and warm (great for the kiddos), but are reluctant to impose limits (problematic for the kiddos). Authoritarian parents tend to discourage verbal give-and-take and institute rules without explanation. Their focus is obedience and they expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation, unless, of course, it is “because I said so.”

What Do Kids Raised by Authoritative Parents Look Like?

Authoritative parenting combines warmth, sensitivity, boundaries, and limit setting. Parents use positive reinforcement and reasoning to guide children. Their expectations are high, but they are developmentally appropriate and stress independent thinking.

Disciplinary methods are reasoned, negotiable, outcome-oriented, and concerned with regulating behaviors rather than coercion. In other words, no threats or punishments although there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. (Note: these parents listen to a child’s viewpoint, but don’t always accept it.)

Now there’s never a guarantee that a certain approach will lead to specific outcomes. But research by psychologists Diana Baumrind, Eleanor Maccoby, John Martin, and others has determined that kids of authoritative parents tend to be happy and content; independent and active; higher academic performers; self-confident; socially skilled; securely attached to their parents; and less depressed and anxious than peers raised in other styles.

An Educational Video for Confused Parents

As you can see, I’ve tried to make things as simple as possible so everyone understands that authoritative parenting is the way to go. But, as always, there are many ways to skin a cat and I felt it only fair that I offer you some alternatives to the best way to parent your child. Enjoy!