Hey suckers, Thanksgiving 2022 is just around the corner! Yeah, I know…bummer. “Bummer???” Ha! Yes, bummer! And ya know why? ‘Cause, after two plus years of being thankful for every tweeny twig, chipper chipmunk, and gluten-free home-baked muffin that crosses your path, you’re dried up.
Yes, you’re wrung out on the whole gratitude thing. You’re just a sad little prune of gratitude emptiness. But DO. NOT. WORRY.
If you’re scraping the bottom of the gratitude barrel, here are some random ideas to get you through turkey day so you can look normal to your friends and family. Review these ideas carefully, weigh their pros and cons, take what you want, and leave the rest.
Random Things To Be Grateful For
Fuzzy pink handcuffs CVS receipts that double as toilet paper yodeling pickles Big Mouth Billy Bass, the Motion-Activated Singing Sensation eye patches that double as G-strings not having a backup plan zombie horse masks banjoes and ukuleles COVID masks that double as squirrel hammocks not being a turkey
Backup Gratitude Ideas Approved for Emergency Use
You can also try this video which I titled, “Zombies are gonna kill you, grandpa.”
If you’re still not satisfied with my Thanksgiving 2022 suggestions, take your lead from the little girl below. ‘Cause, hey, at least you’re still alive!
Thanksgiving Videos to Keep Your Gratitude Trending
It’s common knowledge that other people’s woes make us grateful that those woes aren’t our woes. For example, in this video a cook battles with a badass-naked and very slippery turkey. The climax is, well, dramatic! And, when it’s over, I guarantee you’ll be grateful that this didn’t happen to you.
This next video is a how to prevent your family from blowing each other to bits when talking about right-wing Republican wing nuts and left-wing Commie socialists.
A Walk Down Gratitude’s Memory Lane
As with all major holidays, Thanksgiving 2022 brings back memories of past family gatherings and their best moments. {Note: being grateful for “best moments” continues to be a thing.}
Anyhoohoohahaheehee, these highlights were submitted by our faithful readers from NoHoSoHoDumbo in downtown BrooklynManhattan, NYC, where being hip-cool comes with the territory. Their motto: “If you don’t live here, you don’t live here.”
WHEN THE TRYPTOPHAN HITS…
WHEN THE COOK ASKS HER DELINQUENT BROTHER TO BRING A SIDE
WHEN A MOTHER-IN-LAW FINDS AN OLD RECIPE IN A SHOEBOX & HAS TO MAKE IT, BRING IT, & INSIST EVERYONE EAT IT
Ladies and gentleburbs, this is “Seafoam Salad,” compliments of Maya Kosoff @mekosoff by way of boredpanda.com.
WHEN UNCLE HANK SAID HE VOTED FOR TRUMP
Post-Turkey Family Time Ideas That Will Make U Grateful for U Gotta Laff
Good news, my little turkey-stuffers! A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is back! Watch this preview in case it’s R-rated. Just click right HERE!
Now would you like your kids to help you clean up? Here’s a fun family time idea guaranteed to make that happen. After dinner, simply round up your kids, lock ‘em in the TV room, and turn on this video. They’ll be so grateful to you when it’s over, they’ll volunteer to help with clean-up. The video, starring Mr. Mike, is called “Gobble Goes the Turkey.”
Worried that your kids’ brains are rotting from too much screen time? After clean-up, engage the wee ones in a Thanksgiving literacy activity. We suggest the following poem, which can be enacted by from three to seven children, preferably all under the age of 10.
The Turkey Shot Out Of The Oven
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there’d never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn’t a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I’d never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn’t been popped.
Jack Prelutsky
Quotes to Make You Thankful for the Gift of Laffter
(With a shout out to writer Brandon Specktor of Reader’s Digest)
My family had quite a chuckle at our Thanksgiving dinner when I read “The Turkey Shot Out Of The Oven”.
Thanks Amy!
That makes me very happy! Here’s to turkeys everywhere!